NEWS OF: 6/23/2006

Supreme Court Comes to Friendship, Maine

Chief justice of the U-S Supreme Court, John Roberts has bought a a home on Hupper Island off the coast of Maine.

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NEWS OF: 10/3/2005

Wanted: Supreme Court Justice - Will Train

Highest court in the nation seeks a closet evangelical with a “good heart” and no paper trail to reinterpret basic freedoms over the next half century while infusing Old Testament thinking into modern legalese. Legal experience a plus, but not necessary… will train the right individual. Harriet (the Spy) Miers, the newest nominee is “no John Roberts” but there’s debate over what that means since we know nothing about John Roberts either.

NEWS OF: 9/29/2005

Roberts: I’m King of the World

John G. Roberts Jr. was sworn in today as the nation’s 17th chief justice after the Senate voted by a wide margin to confirm him. Surrounded by a six pack of Supreme Court justices, Roberts vowed to bear “true faith and allegiance” to the Constitution while his wife Jane held the Bible and slit the throat of a small white goat.

His rise from obscurity to the most prominent post in American law has been credited to a server error at Monster.com. At 50, Roberts is the youngest chief justice in 200 years. Asked about his plans for the high court, Roberts responded, “I’m going to Disney World!” See: Monterey Herald

NEWS OF: 9/27/2005

“I have not arrived at my decision lightly…”

But Senator Snowe supports Judge John G. Roberts, Jr. to be the next Chief Justice of the United States of America, despite a history of questionable judgement.

Robert’s past endorsements include a brief on behalf of the first Bush Administration arguing that “[w]e continue to believe that Roe was wrongly decided and should be overruled.”

Perhaps even more creepy is his position that Congress could constitutionally strip the Supreme Court of the authority to rule on cases regarding school prayer, abortion, and other issues - leaving the decision-making authority over those issues to … um… oh GOOD GOD!

Read the Roberts Opposition Report, renew your passports, brush up on your French, and prepare for the “I Told You So’s”

NEWS OF: 9/13/2005

Judicial Nominee John Roberts: My “So-Called” Right to Privacy

A memo released by the Ronald Reagan Presidential Library indicates that supreme court nominee John Roberts wrote that a memorial service for aborted fetuses was “an entirely appropriate means of calling attention to the abortion tragedy,” according to the Washington Post. In a memorandum for then-Attorney General William French Smith, Roberts also questioned the “so-called” right to privacy.

Speaking of privacy, Roberts has been largely playing the role of judicial “Ken” doll, smiling and nodding but saying nothing about his views. In the meantime, the DOJ has either “lost” or “misplaced” all that paperwork that might give us a clue as to Robert’s feelings toward some of those essential freedoms that we still have today, but that he is rumored to oppose: privacy, abortion, gender equity, the Equal Protection Clause in general, Title IX, and affirmative action.

Typical of Bush administration apointees, he has no judicial experience, qualifying him for the job and a promotion to Chief Justice (and maybe a medal.) And what of the other Supremes? So much for promoting from within. See Feminist.org

NEWS OF: 7/28/2005

The Manchurian Jurist

Senator Snowe met with Bush administration nominee to the Supremes John Roberts. First impression? She wasn’t sold one way or the other. Roberts, affable and attractive in a “replicant” kind of way comes with ideal credentials for the job - no paper trail! So should nomination to the highest court in the land require more than two years of like experience? Um, yeah. See Press Herald

NEWS OF: 7/20/2005

Judge Me Not

Embracing the Bush Administration’s conspiracy theory approach to opposition, Maine’s Republican senators are encouraging “special interest groups” to refrain from“interference” as the Senate reviews President George W. Bush’s nominee to the U.S. Supreme Court, federal appeals court Judge John Roberts Jr. See WMTW

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