NEWS OF: 4/28/2006

El Bandera Estrellado!

First America was referred to as a melting pot. A catch-of-the-day chowder of immigration. Somewhere in the 90s this was redefined as a “stew,” a delicious blend of interesting ingredients that all added something special and nutritious to the mix as a whole. Now? it seems we would rather think of our culture as chili. No matter what you add? It all gets boiled down into one indistinguishable slurry with top honors going to the hottest concoction that produces the most gas or the worst heartburn.

“Nuestro Himno,” the Spanish version of the The Star Spangled Banner, is not drawing criticism because it’s just as impossible to sing as the English version, but because it’s in Spanish.

President Bush began losing the Hispanic vote when he said, “I think people who want to be a citizen of this country ought to learn English. And they ought to learn to sing the anthem in English.” Sentiments shared by many who understand that a Spanish language version of the S.S.B. can only lead to, I don’t know, Spanish Christmas songs… or a new holiday cropping up in May…

Besides, the President has made great strides in his own attempts to learn the English language and can’t be sidetracked at his age with a new trick.

Of course, since Amerigo Vespucci, for whom this country is named, was Italian, maybe it should be A Bandiera Coperta Stella.

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