NEWS OF: 3/31/2006

Serial Killers in My Swiss Chard

VIEW ALL: Immigration

Conservative House Republicans criticized the President and Senate for attempts to liberalize the immigration laws, saying that America’s fruits and veggies should be hand-picked by prisoners - not the 11 million illegal immigrant farm workers.

Umm, yuck. I’d like to go on the record for a moment… I’d rather not have Charles Manson pawing through my Mesclun mix. Can’t they do something that doesn’t involve food? Like clean my rain gutters? See CBS News

Popularity: 6%

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Maine: Ring of Fire

VIEW ALL: Environment, Energy

The Committee on Natural Resources has voted 6-1 to create rules limiting the amount of out-of-state garbage/debri/waste that can be burned to create energy at 50%. Biddeford Democrat Joanne Twomey, who oppossed the decision, said “This is serious stuff, and we shouldn’t be rushing into it!” Yes. I’m sure it is…zzzz.

Popularity: 9%

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Eagle Cam Friday

VIEW ALL: Eagle Cam

eaglecamfriday.png1. The bald eagle’s scientific name, Haliaeetus leucocephalus, means “white-headed sea eagle.”
2. The bald eagle is the only sea eagle - there are eight different species - that inhabits North America.
3. As with all sea eagles, the primary food source for bald eagles is fish. They also feed on carrion, birds, small mammals, reptiles and an occasional webcam. More fun eagle facts

Popularity: 6%

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NEWS OF: 3/30/2006

Bush Visits Mexico Looking for Fresh Country to Screw Up

Border security, illegal immigration and terrorism are the dinner topics when President Bush meets with Mexican President Vicente Fox tonight. See KHON

Popularity: 6%

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Nevada Gets the Bomb

VIEW ALL: Military

Citizens of Nevada will see a huge mushroom cloud rising over the desert in June when the Pentagon detonates a 700-ton bomb described as the biggest open-air chemical blast ever. It’s all part of military weapons research code named, “Destroy Nevada,” and includes 700 tons of heavy ammonium nitrate-fuel oil emulsion, creating a blast equivalent to 593 tons of TNT, but only if the bus carrying the bomb drives less than 55 mph. See Washington Post

Popularity: 6%

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Prayer, Out. Jinxes, The Devil & Knock Wood Still Being Evaluated.

VIEW ALL: Religion

There are a wealth of studies showing how beneficial prayer can be before surgery. The majority of these studies are bogus. What gets recorded as a miracle is highly subjective and no religious survey employs scientific methods. So, researchers at six academic hospitals across the United States carried out their own study (the largest of its kind) on 1,800 patients about to undergo heart bypass surgery. Results? Praying for the health of a heart bypass patient has no impact on their surgical outcome.

The same study also affirmed that death is genetic. You get it from your parents. See VOA

Popularity: 6%

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Jill Carroll: Lose the Hijab

VIEW ALL: Iraq War

jillcarroll.png28-year-old freelance journalist for the Christian Science Monitor - turned hostage - is finally free after 80 days in captivity. Carroll was seized by Islamic militants who treated her well, despite killing her Iraqi translator. Her release came the day after an appeal on an Arabic satellite TV channel by Katie, her twin sister. Perhaps her captors, upon seeing the twin, felt they had the wrong sister… See The Herald UK

Popularity: 4%

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Cal Thomas To Star in Liberal Porno Film with Cindy Sheehan

VIEW ALL: Media

actressoractivist.pngOn Fox News Watch, Cal Thomas surprised his fellow anchors with the announcement that he will be starring in an upcoming liberal porno film with Cindy Sheehan, and, hopefully, Susan Sarandon, whose contract is still being negotiated.

The working title is “Actress or Activist - Any Difference?” It’s a send up of an aging right-wing neoconservative news anchor who meets his match when he encounters two peace activists - one pretty, the other an “everyday gal.”

sarandonsheehan.pngThe film opens with Sheehan (the activist) and Sarandon (the actress) in a chance meeting at a “peace rally.” They encounter an aging news anchor, played by Cal Thomas and his apprentice, played by Sean Hannity, manipulating a young Fox intern (played by Tucker Carlson) for their own political ends behind a “Bring Them Home Now” banner.

Calling them “Sisters of Protest” Cal taunts Sheehan with accusations that the death of her son in Iraq was a political stunt… that her son was a volunteer… and that she could stand to lose a few pounds.

cal.png Thomas and Hannity’s relationship is a subtle mix of skewed political misinformation and jingoistic posturing - poetic - yet one senses inner turmoil as the two struggle with the disparity in their ages, the whole same-sex thing which is a Fox no-no, and the fact that they could both stand to lose a few pounds.

Asked about the film’s chance for success in more conservative times, Thomas indicated that Fox was hoping to ride the Brokeback Mountain wave. See Media Matters

Popularity: 6%

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Rich as the Governor?

VIEW ALL: Gov. Baldacci

The good news is that many Maine households are earning as much or more than the Governor! The bad news is that Maine’s Governor is the lowest paid in the nation. Even worse? It looks like it’s going to stay that way. See BDN

Popularity: 5%

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Happy Meal? $4.95 Private Jet? Free. Senatorial Perks? Priceless.

VIEW ALL: Ethics

The Senate has approved sweeping, if completely toothless, ethics rules to prevent (wink wink) lawmakers from taking (wink wink) gifts from lobbyists.

But the law, described by many as “window dressing” doesn’t prevent lawmakers from “earmarking” - adding pet pork projects into major spending bills at the request of lobbyists. Senators also RJ’d an “Office of Public Integrity” among other amendments such as one that would have forced lawmakers to pay the market price for corporate flights. Currently lawmakers “borrow” planes to get around - usually from a nice company like RJ Reynolds.

What can’t they do? Senators can’t accept meals from lobbyists, and they must get pre-approval from the Senate ethics panel for privately-funded trips.

Popularity: 6%

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NEWS OF: 3/29/2006

DeLay: God’s Favorite Corrupt Politician

When you think of “Tom DeLay” the words “Holy Man” naturally come to mind. Also, “Federal money-laundering,” for which he was indicted. DeLay is calling on religious conservatives to stay active in politics to defeat the “enemies of virtue” who have targeted Christians like himself, adding, “We have been chosen to live as Christians at a time when our culture is being poisoned and our world is being threatened.”

Meaning, we have chosen to live as wealthy, powerful Christians promoting a “culture of corruption” that extends to the highest levels of government. A “great herd of swine feeding” (Mark 5:11) at the financial trough of your children’s future.

East Texas evangelist Rick Scarborough, proved that there really is no fool like an old fool, praising DeLay as “a man I believe God wants” in office. Because there’s nothing God likes more than a bilious, corrupt, fat-cat Texas politician. See Mercury News

Popularity: 6%

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Abramoff’s Six Pack

Lobbyist Jack Abramoff received 5 years, 10 months in federal prison for business fraud. He’s currently free for the next three months so he can assist with the corruption probe on Capitol Hill.

Popularity: 4%

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Smile and Say, “Roadkill”

VIEW ALL: Eagle Cam

eaglecam2.png The Eagle Cam as of around 3 p.m. this afternoon. Our fierce friend seemed to be smiling at the camera.

Popularity: 6%

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Bolten: Non-Texan, Likes Bowling, Fart Jokes

After five years Chief of Staff Andrew Card has resigned the grueling White House position (Thessalonians 2:9 “For you recall our hard toil and struggles, brethren”) to be replaced by yet another Bush loyalist - Joshua B. Bolten.

But this guy is different. Oh, sure, he’s another long time Bush droid of the inner sanctum, but this guy comes with “a rare dash of idiosyncrasy.” He rides a motorcycle, loves to bowl and keeps a copy of the children’s book “Walter the Farting Dog” on his coffee table. He’s also described as a “non-Texan” making it easier for the President to remember personal details without having to remember all those other states.

Popularity: 4%

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